A more productive piece was planned, and may still come, but I’m just not in the mood. You see, I’m finding myself in the Right but on the wrong side of the fence on many issues.
And seeing as this is Martin Luther King Jr. Day I thought I’d stop to write about what’s really on my mind.
So bear with me as I start with the word “Nigger.”
In case you didn’t click the link, I want you all to read what the dictionary website has to say about the word:
The term nigger is now probably the most offensive word in English. Its degree of offensiveness has increased markedly in recent years, although it has been used in a derogatory manner since at least the Revolutionary War. The senses labeled Extremely Disparaging and Offensive represent meanings that are deeply insulting and are used when the speaker deliberately wishes to cause great offense. It is so profoundly offensive that a euphemism has developed for those occasions when the word itself must be discussed, as in court or in a newspaper editorial: “the n-word.”
Despite this, the sense referring to a “black person” is sometimes used among African Americans in a neutral or familiar way. The sense referring to other victims of prejudice, especially when used descriptively, as to denounce that prejudice, is not normally considered disparaging—as in “The Irish are the niggers of Europe” from Roddy Doyle’s The Commitments —but the other uses are considered contemptuous and hostile.
Really, the most offensive word in English? What I take offence to, is that it’s called the most offensive word in English. I’ve been called a lot of things, but I’ve never used a word that could be considered the most offensive as a way to identify myself with my peers.
Well, that’s not fair. Apparently there is a new word, Nigga, which has a completely different meaning even though it sounds the same. I, being a Caucasian, just haven’t “earned the right” to say it.
Talking to my 14 year old cousin, who is a true American Mutt, the conversation of race was brought up by a news article siting Native Americans angry with the Redskins. She is part Native American and enjoys rooting for the Redskins! While talking, forgive me if I fast forward to the relevant part, she speaks up “you mean like when black people call each other Nigger?” It was completely innocent and relevant to the conversation, but her mother Gasped! How dare that word come out of her daughters mouth in any context! My immediate reaction was “Exactly!”
I then went on to tell her that the culture has made a completely different form of discrimination, a word that is racist upon which race is using it refer to another. But words aren’t racist or hurtful, people are. Just like guns don’t kill people, they are just the tools people use to do so. The word Nigger is a perfect example of how those who claim to see racism everywhere are usually the most racist.
When you can use a word, but I can’t… I believe that’s called discrimination.
Which is exactly what legislators tried to do when they tried to pass voter ID laws. Under the disguise of “protecting the sanctity of voting” Pennsylvania passed a voter ID law. Steven Colbert probably has the best coverage on the subject if you’d like a little education and entertainment. The United States has no national or mandatory ID laws and elections have always been handled on the local level, so it’s left to the States to decided what they are willing to accept as proper ID. Some may require Government issue only.
Doesn’t matter how these up-scaled gerrymandering laws passed, now the Genie is out of the bottle and the United States has had a history of voter fraud in its past. (I’m to lazy to find a situation; It’s a blog, either take my word for it or go study US history)
We need all kinds of IDs to take part in society on the International, National, State, and Local level. What kind depends on what activity, or right, a person is participating in. When we register to vote we get Voter Registration cards. There is precedent in regard to every other aspect of our lives, I’m curious why extending this to a voting both is an “undue burden” where it’s not in other avenues of our lives.
Most of us would assume you don’t need an ID to ride a bike, but did you know that in some states you HAVE to produce an ID if riding on a public road when asked by an officer or you could be arrested? Here’s looking at you California. So if showing proof of who I am, when participating in a government activity, is now an “undue burden,” then I have to wonder what the long-term consequences of striking down these “discriminatory practices” are. What other things are “undue burdens” to the american public? People seem to forget that putting the Genie BACK in the bottle has just as many long-term unforeseen consequences, and we as a society require identification to do almost everything in this country except the most important and taken for granted thing. So what else will get rolled back, derailed, or stopped because of this?
Legal discrimination is nothing new. The Government is the only entity that can actually legally discriminate at will and does so all the time. Recently I considered buying a HUD home. That was until HUD refused to sell under any conditions because my father works with another HUD broker. Since he works for a HUD broker I cannot buy any HUD home no matter who has them listed. None of his immediate family can.
Once the Government properly IDs me and it’s disclosed who’s in my bloodline, all bets are off. However, if he was just “some guy who raised me” there wouldn’t be any conflict. So yes, I absolutely know what discrimination is like, it’s impossible to know the same way you do.
Maybe that’s kinda the point of a “White man Holiday” like MLK day. So we can reflect on how far we’ve come and where we are going. Discrimination is everywhere and it’s easy to get side tract with all the negativity; it’s easier to do nothing about it when it doesn’t affect you.
“In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.” – Martin Luther King Jr.
I’d like to focus on moments of promise like the one with my cousin, where in her world Nigger was just a word. No different then saying “scruffy looking Nerf herder.”
As a new arbitrary line gets crossed I have to wonder how this one will be different. New Years Eve is a meaningless moment many place extreme emphasis over however what if it really did hold meaning? I can say with certainty that it does to me… or should I say that it did? I’m not sure.
It’s impossible to change history and if events of the past will forever be apart of who you are and guide you on the path of who you’ll become then does that mean it’s impossible to move on? Or does that mean as we achieve a deeper understanding of ourselves and our past, that by continuing forward we can hold those memories and parts of our-self close and still meet the “moving on” criteria.
By forgetting, ignoring, or avoiding history we are doomed to repeat it. By embracing it we are forced to hold on and acknowledge it. So what happens when a person just takes a moment to reflect on what once was and where they are now? To miss those moments or be thankful they’re over. Is that moving on or stumbling?
Nothing can replace those shared moments but no matter how much time goes on, how numb the feelings get, there are those times where it seems everything is the way it should be, except its not. Like a puzzle missing it’s pieces, nothing can fill the jagged holes cut from the picture.
Maybe acknowledging those moments and embracing the time we have now is what moving on really is.
“Why did you even write the site then?”
To make myself feel better. I didn’t really know what I was doing when I did it. Didn’t know why. Didn’t know for who. It was easy to write it because no one was going to read it.
That was, until they did. Until they started to. It was the best and worst thing that could have happened…
“I didn’t know you could write?”
“Your a good writer!”
“Have you thought about writing full time?”
“Why don’t you write more?”
“You trying to get enough for a book?”
All of those statements say I’ve read your work. Something that I’ve never dealt with. So it got really, really hard to keep writing. Now there is an audience.
Well, maybe not anymore, but there was an audience. That’s the thing about the internet, there is so much content that if a person doesn’t keep theirs up to date it’s “out of sight out of mind.” So the traffic has bottomed.
There’s a lot of unpublished, unfinished, and deleted work, which means there is a lot of potential being stolen from the cage. While I’m sure they didn’t mean to, a few women have been very… oh what’s the word… convince seems good enough… a few woman have been very convincing, in different ways, that this has been positive for them and would be a mistake not to continue on.
Even though I’m sure one of them would disagree with that being her intention, that’s how I’m taking it.
So, maybe 2014 will see more writing from David J. but that’s been said. I still hate my writing, but understand that others don’t. That if this is a way ideas can get across then so be it.
The “Blog” is all me all the time, unedited. The pages are edited and polished. As Manda said, “Oh god yes (you need an editor), but you need one that speaks you (David J.). Most people wouldn’t understand what the hell you just said! At least those that know you get the jokes.”
Or something like that :/ IDK, the site has been left idle for almost six months with only one piece written. With everything that could be done that’s horrible, there’s no excuse.
It’s a struggle to keep doing this. Between work and family, making time for friends, even doing laundry… I keep thinking about what to do with this site. All the words of encouragement, the notes of appreciations, Thank You but that’s not why the site was made. None of this is being done for you.
Before when I would write something it wasn’t a big deal to trash it. Most everything wrote was to simply get it off my chest and burn it. Now a sense of guilt fills the air as the site gets ignored. Especially after the failure of Annabel Lee. The current project is over 1600 words and not close to being done. Not even close to being ready for editing. Years ago I would have stopped as I’ve learned what was needed but the thought isn’t complete enough for others to follow.
Still, maybe, I don’t know. I just don’t know what to do.
But go forward.
David J here with some CagedSparrow announcements.
First, lets start with the Kiva project. Currently team Apatheia has lent $5,450 total dollars toward world change. In the introduction post I publicly announced that if the team doesn’t meet its $10,000 goal I would make up the difference in January 2014. The statement was made with the understanding of how easy it is for people to sign up for kiva and receive a FREE $25 Kiva credit to loan. However, my faith in humanity sunk to an all time low as it became clear people wouldn’t take ten minutes to lend free money and help support spreading good will BUT I could gather the troops to add debt to their credit cards for a night drinking regardless of what was going on the following day.
Seriously people? A common response was “I don’t need anymore SPAM in my E-Mail.”
My hand was forced a little to change my whole thinking on how to approach the Kiva Project. Of the $5,450 in loans, $5,075 has come from David J. I decided to add money into my account until I met a personal goal. From there the amount was set to auto relend for life. This means I’ve maxed the amount planned to go into kiva. The amount deposited will generate over $500 a month in new loans.
The goal is still the same. A minimum of $1,500 will be auto lender through the remanded of the year by me doing nothing. The remaining effort will be spent on finding people to cover the last $2,500. It can be done with 50 new people join up through Kiva, 25 people joining the team and making 4 loans, or, well, you all can do math…
Phase two is on life support and fading fast. After much debate it’s being skipped. If by some chance it begins to show signs of life again Phase two will be done side by side with phase three. I’m not waiting any longer for my next treatment.
I hate rules… anyway… Writing the rule somehow makes them more real. Maybe because I’m more accountable. With the few live ones I’ve already had people poking at me. The issue is All Rules are in effect at All Times and Rules can NEVER Conflict. So it’s hard to explain without actually having more available. Unfortunately the last several attempts have failed. The most disappointing one was “the rule of Annabel Lee.”
Their coming. Know why nothing was posted during August? The amount of effort spent on Annabel Lee. With everything else going on it didn’t leave a lot of time for much else.
In Other News
There are major changes coming to the site OR it’s staying exactly the same. All of that HAS to happen in September. So there SHOULD be plenty to write about, Unless the pages get broken. They might get broken.
That should just about sum up your CagedSparrow update.
Nothing worth posting on The Cage happened in August. Most of the month I was hundreds of miles away rediscovering David J. Although that wasn’t by design.
“DAMN YOU SCUBA STEVE”
Many have stayed focused on my visiting and exploring Kauai, one of the Hawaiian Islands. Those who’ve watched my travel patterns know it could have been a “staycation,” the best part was really taking time to spend with my family. But Hawaii was a nice touch, good call on their part. Find photos of the island on my Facebook page. If you’re not a stalker yet, click on the link to catch a glimpse. None of the photos do the beauty justice. If you’re able to, GO! I could have spent a month there, it wouldn’t have been enough. Be warned, nightlife is lacking. With few exceptions that helped add to the experience and was very refreshing.
Otherwise August proved some hard truths. As the first anniversary of The Cage AND my full re-commitment to “The Rules” are only days away, I’m left with a reminder of “how much I have to learn”. When overwhelmed with epic stress & frustration there is still an inevitable break down where hardened resolve disregards all social structure, questions everything, and takes control. While actively listening unwanted, pointed, questions venomously and instinctual attack those its curse has focused on. Sigh, and unfortunately when I’ve had too much to drink stupid new ”Dave stories” surface.
Which got me thinking about all those motivational posters littering the internet. Well, what’s one more? Bad habits are easy to lean on. They may never be broken but it’s a worthy goal. Doesn’t matter how many times I’ve advised someone to keep “struggling and enjoy it”. I’ve forgotten to remind myself.
So I’ll look back on August with mixed feelings, Welcome a painful September, and work to enjoy every moment forward. Afterall, the only other option is Death.